2008 In Hindsight

Has your year gone by as fast as mine have? Well honestly, I would probably not be putting this question at the start of my hindsight-2008 post if I didn't know for sure that it has. Time flies by for everyone, and the older the people, the more often you hear about it. Sometimes when older friends of mine talk about it, I get the idea that a year is not much longer than a breath, like a warm summer night's breeze passing you, blowing up your skirt as if you were Marilyn Monroe. You instinctively hold your skirt down, try for others not to see that you're not wearing any underwear, and throw a “You naughty boy!” at whoever blew the wind. That's it, year gone.

The part about the skirt was figurative. It also applies to those who don't wear skirts; just to let you know. And whoever may think I don't wear any underwear, you are sadly mistaken. I haven't had a reason to wear my “surprise underwear” – that's how I call it – for a pretty long time now.

Regardless, I would like to share my perspective on the past year with you. If you feel like copying the questionnaire for yourself, please go ahead. It's intended for you to get to know me better, and it's great when you allow others to know more about you, too.

You might remember that a year ago, I completed a similar questionnaire on this blog already. It might be interesting to compare it with this one. Just mind that I changed the categories a bit in order to give room for some things I consider interesting.

So here we go, 2008 from my point of view…


Items Of The Year

Word
Tough one to start with. There are several. Overall through the year, certainly the word “Datenschutz” (privacy management, data protection) has had a tremendous influence on me, obviously because I started working in this area in March. Privacy scandals have shaken Germany for quite a while now but never has this issue been so pressing and widely discussed.

Privately, especially in the past months since my San Diego vacation, I have used the words “agenda” and “perception” so much that I am growing tired of them. But they have been following me almost everywhere, and seem to be the key to so many experiences and problems that they are certainly among my words of the year.

City
I'm sure none of my friends will be surprised if I give this award to San Diego. Not actually because I thought it is the most beautiful city in the world but merely because I connect it to my summer vacation, and my time in this city taught me some important lessons that, in turn, have to do with agendas and perception.

By the way, I pondered saying London but since I only spent a few days there and my experience of the city is connected to my ex-boyfriend and he broke up with me a week after our trip to London, I'll pass this time.

Drink
If this was about my favorite drink, I would probably say coffee every time you ask me. I have coffee after every meal, sometimes before the meals too. But there is actually no drink I could connect specifically with the past year. Amalia and I even hardly drink Campari o-juice any more.

Food
God, I'm so bad at making lists. I can't even think of one specific dish Amalia cooked in the past year. Almost all of them were exquisite; I love everything she cooks. The only specific things I can remember to be extremely delicious were the Sourdough Jack at Jack In The Box in California, a burger with sourdough buns, and the semolina pudding my ex used to make. The latter I sometimes make when I don't feel like whipping up a big meal.

Song
In this category you probably name songs that meant a lot to you because it was your and your partner's song, but there has not been any song like that if I remember correctly. There have been various songs that moved me over the year but there was one I remember clearly as the song of my summer vacation. That's Ne-Yo's “Closer”. That song was playing on the radio all the time my host in San Diego and I drove around to see things, and I actually mean all the time. I love the harmonies and vocals in it.

Music album
I had spent thoughts on this category for quite a while but there are only two albums that I can remember being special. Judging from the music itself, Jazzanova's “Of All The Things” had some extremely great songs on it, and when it comes to lyrics, Annett Louisan's “Teilzeithippie” impressed me very much. Although it's not actually from 2008, and I haven't heard it for the first time then either, Imogen Heap's “Speak For Yourself” has flared up again after almost a year in my collection. The way they combine music and lyrics is just unreal.

Book
2008 wasn't the big reading year for me. I read a little this and that but nothing mind-blowing as far as I remember. However, during my San Diego vacation, I read Jim Sullivan's “Boyfriend 101”, and although it wasn't so clear to me at first, I think I needed the thoughts in this book laid out in a clear and structured way. I think it actually changed the way I perceive a variety of things.

Movie
There goes the category made specifically for me, me who doesn't go to the cinema more often than once a year or so. I can honestly say I cannot remember a single movie that moved me so much that I could think of it now.

Concert
I have not actually gone a concert in 2008. The only thing I saw was Cirque du Soleil's show “Varekai” in Oberhausen; the fact alone that it was only concert-like show I've seen hardly suffices for this category though, and frankly, if I had not had a press pass for this show and paid to get in, I would've been a little disappointed, after the two other Cirque du Soleil shows I saw before this one.

TV series
House, M.D., definitely! I know it's been around for years but I never actually started to watch it until I stumbled upon a picture for which somebody had mixed together the Halflife character Gordon Freeman and Hugh Laurie, the main actor of House M.D..

I love House for the way they bring together Hugh Laurie as an incredibly smart and somehow sexy character and the extremely well set-up medical stories. Although it was pretty much foreseeable how every episode would end up Dr. House solving the case, following the medical babble that I would've probably not even understood in German was entertaining, interesting and sometimes very funny.

Neighbor
Amalia and I have so little contact to neighbors that there can really not be a neighbor of the year but I might share a word on the child that lives beneath us. When I moved into this house 3.5 years ago, things were great and quiet for pretty much three months. Then, the woman of the couple next door gave birth to what Amalia and I now rightfully refer to as “The Asshole”. At the time I was living alone, and for the first one-and-a-half years, the child screamed every second it didn't sleep or eat. And I actually mean every second.

After that, it stopped screaming all the time and instead began to terrorize his mother (his father had in the meantime moved out) by screaming, shouting, trampling, pulling her hair etc.. Some of the episodes I could hear from the balcony; that child is a malevolent, attention-deficit-shaken asshole, and the mother seems to let it do just anything it wants.

And as if it hadn't been enough to hear the asshole trample through the apartment all the time, it has now gotten a piano.


My Dance With The Year

Did you have additions or loss in your family or household?
No, neither, actually. Since the beginning of last year where one of my two projects was “new boyfriend”, I have gained and lost exactly that.

How has your health been in 2008?
Good, actually. I have not once had anything serious, not even a cold. It seems to me that taking the vitamin pills every morning actually helps. It might, however, also have to do with me not using the sauna at my gym any more. I stopped at some point because I took the late courses, and by the time they finish, you don't really have enough time to use the sauna any more.

In November, however, after several years in which I didn't feel it, several waves of depression hit me again. During those days, when push comes to shove, I feel like nothing is worth living any more, that I'm alone and don't care about anything or anybody. Not the greatest feeling in the world but I try dealing with these feelings by taking a St. John's wort pill every morning, and tanning twice a week. Sleep deprivation has prevented these measures from working though, I think.

New hobbies?
Writing has flared up like opposing traffic at night, really, even more than before. Just yesterday I finished my summer vacation report that ended up being 79 pages, with pictures. It took me months to finalize it, and the concentration I felt when I worked on it has been overwhelming. It was as if I relived the whole vacation, with a lot more clarity, however. Writing riddens me of bothering thoughts, and allows me to finally let go of things. Sometimes when I read things I finished writing just fifteen minutes before, although I know it's my writing, the connected negative emotions are no longer there, and my breaths become more powerful again.

Best idea or decision
To quit my job at the law firm and start working in privacy management, and also to start teaching. I had wanted to do that for quite a while, and my chance came last January.

Predominant feeling in 2008
The year changed in itself various times. There was really no overall predominant feeling. I have, however, noticed that in the past weeks or months, I have become more aggressive and intolerant when it comes to people leaving their shopping carts in the way, stopping their cars on the street without notice or apparent reason, or just walking in your way without care. On top, I have grown increasingly tired of contact. I used to be somebody to always enjoy company, and since my return from my summer vacation I noticed how seldom I often feel like meeting anybody. There will always be friends I love to spend my time with but the clarity some experiences in 2008 have brought me, has allowed me to clearly state what I want and don't want.

What did you do first in 2008?
At the time I was in Vienna, enjoying dinner with an acquaintance of mine whom I had met online and friends of his. The restaurant he had invited me to was atmospheric, neatly decorated and had great food. He had originally planned to take me on a helicopter ride on midnight but dinner took longer, and we didn't make it. Instead, we later went dancing, together with Gernot and some friends.

What did you do again in 2008 after a long break?
Enjoying work. And, with my partner of four months, feeling in the right place.

What did you not accomplish in 2008 but wanted to?
Making music. I have so many ideas when I'm not at my PC. As soon as I finally sit down to give them life, I can't think of one.

Gained or lost weight?
Lost, actually! I had been gaining weight for months until, at the end of October, I decided I had to lose weight. I was at almost 91kg at the time, and until newyear's eve, I lost around 5kg. Now I'm back at where I was before I was introduced to Amalia's incredible cuisine.

Alcohol excesses? If so, vomiting from it?
None. I have been drunk a few times, I think, but nothing serious. And no vomiting at all, neither from alcohol nor anything else.

Is your hair longer or shorter?
As has always been the case, my hair is like it has been, short.

Are you more short-sighted or long-sighted now?
I've become more and more short-sighted. I don't need glasses yet but having them would certainly not hurt. I'm just putting off going to the optometrist for some reason.

Did you spend more or less money?
More, again. My summer vacation turned out the most expensive one of my life, for several reasons. However, even though I still love to go shopping, when I do, I often don't buy anything other than coffee while I'm at it.

Highest cellphone bill?
My bills have been pretty much the same all year round because I have a flat-rate contract that allows me to call all German phones, landline or cell. And when I do one of my numerous calls abroad, I most of the time use skype. The sound quality is a lot better, and it allows webcam chats too.

Been in hospital?
Not because I was sick. I visited my mother in hospital once though. She sometimes has heart problems and goes to the hospital to make sure she's taken good care of.

Fallen in love?
Honestly, I don't know any more. My ex of four months I deeply cared about; that's for sure. Thinking of him still stings a bit. If that's love, then I fell in love in 2008. I was excited about several people after he broke up with me but I doubt any of them qualifies for love.

Whom did you call most?
I don't know, probably Amalia, my roommate. Or, when we were still together, my ex Hartmut. In the past weeks I used to webcam-chat with a man from Los Angeles very often though, and almost every chat lasted several hours. We chat about everything, and time flies by with him.

Whom did you spend your best time with?
Initially I wanted to say “My ex”, but the I figured that 2008 brought a series of extremely comforting and nice encounters, sometimes with good friends, sometimes one good friend, sometimes with somebody I hardly knew. But ultimately I cannot pin-point it to a single person.

Whom did you spend most time with?
Amalia, probably. If you don't count her in, it'll be my ex.

What would you like to change about your life after 2008?
A couple of things at my job leave room for improvement, and the partner position is open again. Other than that, my life has found itself a pretty beautiful

Worst thing that happened to you?
The break-up, I think. Not necessarily because I turned single again. That bothered me a lot at the time, too, but it was more because I had, again, not seen the break-up coming at all. The signals I had received from my ex were more than great, and this being the second break-up in a row that caught me completely off-guard, I started doubting my senses, wondering what was wrong with me, and why I hadn't felt the break-up coming. I wondered whether I was messed up and shouldn't trust my senses any more, or anybody, for that matter.

Best thing that happened to you?
It's a tie, I think. Professionally, it was getting the job I now have. Regarding private matters, it was probably the San Diego vacation. Although – or rather, because – I encountered some things that were far from pleasant, this vacation taught me some important things about myself, how I work, how I perceive, what I do to be loved. And these things I desperately needed to know, it seems.

What did you learn about yourself in 2008, and how has it changed you?
This one's closely related to the last answer. I learned that my fear of rejection, although it's decreasing, tends to make me adapt to just about anything as long whoever is important to me, likes me in return. Some of you might describe as very outspoken and direct, and yet, I learned that I still spent too much energy on making certain situations work and attaching to certain people, which ended up causing nothing than energy loss and pain. As one makes his bed, so he must lie.

How did you perceive the world in 2008?
I think I perceived the world far too little at all. I can't remember listening to the news on the radio or even reading the news online every now and then. I would sometimes do it out of boredom but that hardly counts. In Germany, politics have openly become a complete farce by the SPD (the social democrats) making fools of themselves, and the fact that the gay-hostile Prop 8 actually passed in California, a state that I considered one of the most progressive in the US, still leaves me speechless (I posted a short article about here). But Obama was elected president in the US, and as I stated on this blog before, I'm grateful that the old man and the beauty queen are not taking over.

Life lesson
The most important life lesson of the year certainly is the one about agendas that I already shared with you on this blog, the lesson that everybody has an agenda. There have been several others that were important to me as well but this one has emerged from my summer vacation after weeks of thought and experience.

2008 in one term?
Launch pad.
Everything has been in flow, sometimes too slow to notice, but 2008 must have been a phase of preparation. I am getting ready for take-off.