New This Week, Part 13

1. Office: Screwing the Boss in Short Employment
Photo courtesy of EverJean
The title sounds odd, I know. In a minute you will know why I chose it. At my office, things had been -- to put it politely -- strange the last months but this week has brought a series of events that I wouldn't have considered possible by any means. So this item of the week is actually a bouquet of things.

Following up on the events that have been going on at the office, on last week's Monday we have experienced a new surge. I came in Monday morning, and shortly after my arrival, Daniel asked Ruby, my new colleague, into his office. He said, "We need to talk." So she went over, and when she came back she was pale and very quiet. I told her that whatever he had said was none of my business, and she replied that she couldn't yet talk about it and had to calm down.

Of course it didn't take long to be told what had gone on. What Daniel had needed to talk about was basically getting back at her for a joke she had made the previous week. Referring to Daniel's wife's e-mail in which she (the wife) had claimed my other boss to have a kid with the cleaning lady, Ruby jokingly mentioned to Andy that she was expecting a kid from him as well. She giggled, and it was absolutely clear that she was joking. Frankly, I wouldn't have thought she was capable of a joke like that but highly respected it.

So summarizing the "office talk" that Daniel needed to have with Ruby, he told her, "You're screwing around with Andy without a rubber, aren't you?" And he went on with similar things like that she had betrayed him after all the support he had given her.

After the rest of us at the office had calmed Ruby down, she decided to go up to him again and let him know she was not fine with his behavior and that she wouldn't tolerate anything like this again. We went with her for her protection. It was very obvious that Daniel was angry, as he called her "my dear" in a very sharp tone, and almost all of his sentences to anyone started with, "Listen!"

To round it up shortly, the rest of the week wasn't much calmer although Daniel and Andy finally came to terms. Before we had talked about the office's insolvency but all of a sudden it was apparently decided to move from that to short employment, a German employment model that allows to keep employees for a certain time even though the sales are not sufficient and there is no money to pay the staff.

On top of everything, Andy quit being our second CEO. Now, Daniel is the only CEO of the company. I am delighted, you can tell. But I understand and highly respect Andy's decision. He is a great visionary, and this move shows it again.

2. New Food: Lebanese Fast Food
Hm...I know there was a second item. I do. But I forgot what it is. Will tell you when I remember. A dear friend of mine showed me a nice Lebanese fast food place in the Altstadt of Düsseldorf where we got two plates of a little bit of everything and sat down on the other side of the block, next to the movie museum and the little artificial pond that looks green because of all the algea. Yum! :)

New This Week, Part 12

1. Bar/Café: kwadratcafé
Photo courtesy of the kwadratgmbh website
Friends of mine opened a bar/café in my neighborhood, yay! Actually, for those of you who are interested to know, one of them used to own a sex club here in Düsseldorf until about a year ago. It was called "Depot" and featured a variety of sex parties that I sometimes tell friends about. The "Fickstutenmarkt" ("mare-fucking market") was one of the parties that regularly made people's jaws drop. Anyway, the previous owner retreated from the whole sex club thing apparently, and decided to open a very nice neighborhood café/bar combination, together with two other friends of mine whom I actually met online. All gay but the place itself is not exclusively gay, and it's not meant to be either.

Anyway, the grand opening was last Friday night, and Amalia, some friends of ours, my "good" ex-boss, his sister and I went. It was very cool to be part of it, and I feel that the place has a lot of energy and potential. On top, one of the bartenders probably makes the best milk foam in town. You mustn't miss it! And what's maybe even more, I'm happy that I now have a place to go to when I want to read a book in the afternoon by myself.

Good luck and much success, guys!

2. Employer Declares Insolvency
Photo courtesy of Ed Yourdon
With all the crap happening at the office before, we probably all saw it coming but my employer has now officially declared insolvency to the authorities. On Thursday we handed in the paperwork. We will go out of business by the end of this month. I might be able to take over a remaining client but that will have to be determined in the next weeks.

Employment market, here I go, and actually, I might have met my future boss at the kwadrat opening on Friday. :)

3. Job Search: Tailor-Made Letter of Recommendation
Photo courtesy of joeltelling
Speaking of employment search, for the first time I have actually handed in a letter of recommendation tailor-made for a job. In this case it was a job for an extremely suitable position at a large software corporation in the Bay Area in the license management.

For my American friends who might go, "Well, duh, that's what you do, dumb-ass!", let me tell you that in Germany, letters of recommendation are handled differently. They are much more standardized documents that by law have to sound benevolent, even if they basically state that you were lazy and stupid. That's why an actual "job reference code" has been developed. Writing a US-style letter of reference is actually something different.

4. Bar/Café: Breakfast at Ugly Deluxe
Photo courtesy of the Ugly Deluxe website
WeI had actually already been there once, with Kermit after a gym session, but I had never had breakfast there. So when a friend asked me to join him and another friend for breakfast there, I was glad to do so. The sandwiches are actually very nice, and the yoghurt with fresh fruit and caramelized walnuts is a delight! Ironically enough, the friend who asked me to join them was one of the three kwadrat owners. Seems like breakfast has yet to be established there, and actually, I overheard him and another kwadrat owner talking about making breakfast big there from next weekend on. So there you go. :)

5. Drink: Terva Snapsi
Photo courtesy of alko.fi
I tried this last night when I went over to some friends' place to have dinner. I truly have no idea where they got this Finnish drink but if you can, you need to try it. I'm serious. I still can't tell whether it's very cool or just plain disgusting. The taste is undefinable to me but part of it might actually be street tarp. It is truly an adventure. Fins have been known to have very odd drinks but this one is crazy.

As I said, try it! :)






6. Restaurant: La Castagna
I have lived in this house for almost four years now but have never been to this Italian restaurant. Tonight, Amalia, a friend of hers from university and I went. The food was nice although my risotto was bland and far from exciting, and prices are okay.

US Travel Guide for Germans and Friends

Photo courtesy of Go Card USA

I had planned to write this for a long time but as time progressed, I procrastinated it again and again for several reason, some of which you have already read on this blog. I am regularly surprised about how much of your energy can be sucked away by other people's mental problems.

However, last weekend I talked to a Swiss friend of mine who's going to Palm Springs, California next Sunday, and I consider this a good opportunity to get out some advice for him and all y'all, you both Germans, other European citizens and beloved Americans who might be surprised to see what idiosyncrasies foreigners can find peculiar about the US.

So here goes a list of things I noticed and/or that I had to get used to when I started traveling to the US, a country that I love with all my heart, for reasons that I can't explain to a lot of Germans because all they know is the (Bush) government. The order of the listed items is not important.

-- Outlets
No, not the outlet stores, you shopaholics! I'm talking about the outlets you plug your computers in. When you get to the US you need to be aware that your plugs don't fit. You need to buy an adapter but be aware, not only the shape is different! In the US, you have 110 instead of 230 volts. A lot of gadgets do not work with the lower voltage. However, most electrical things you'll take on a vacation, like shavers, cellphone chargers and laptop batteries, work fine.

-- Prices exclude V.A.T.
This has puzzled me several times already, and I forget about this every time I travel to the US. Prices everywhere are indicated without V.A.T. ("Mehrwertsteuer"), which is why you always have to add it on top. Probably it's not done automatically because the V.A.T. is different in every state, and some don't have any at all. That's just one aspect in which the oh-so United States are not so unified. V.A.T. is probably never going to kill you but keep it in mind.

-- Credit Cards and Debit Cards
Speaking of payment, when you travel to the US you don't really have to worry about exchanging currency or anything. Just make sure to have a credit card and a debit card with you. Weirdly enough, in the US you use credit cards to pay for pretty much every- and anything. Yes, even paying a pack of chewing gum by credit card is not unusual although it's pretty expensive for the store owner. Actually, it's rather the other way around; you're probably going to be gawked at when you pay something over about a hundred dollars in cash. Part of it is that you will probably never see a more-than-twenty dollar bill. They don't seem to exist, and people loathe carrying around a lot of cash other than single-dollar bills. So when you pay something like that in cash, people might think you stole the money somewhere.

Photo courtesy of jenn jenn

-- Bills, Coins and Tipping
And as we're already at cash and dollar bills, you better make sure that you have a few dollar bills in your pocket because you will probably need them for several reason, the main one being tipping. Tipping is huge in the states, everywhere. Much more than in the self-proclaimed "service desert" Germany, you tip everybody for their good service. And when you do, you most of the time do so with dollar bills. For some reason, although dollar coins exist, most Americans don't even know how they look. Dollar bills are everywhere but public transit systems. You tip the bus driver who helps you with your luggage on your way from your hotel to the airport and vice versa, you tip the maid who cleans your room, and -- oh yes -- the waiter at the restaurant or bar. Practically, waiters always get tipped. Always always always tip your waiter unless you have a really good reason not to. But beware even if you have a good reason. In the states you will create ruckus by not tipping, mainly because waiters live off tips there whereas in Germany, they make a living off their salary. Even the manager might come up and ask you what was wrong.

-- Checks
This is probably not going to affect you when you just go there for a visit but understand that in the US, rent, salary and tons of other things are still paid by check. The oh-so innovative United States haven't quite found their way to online banking yet, for a reason I haven't understood. So don't be puzzled when people talk about writing checks and sending them in the mail.

Photo courtesy of avlxyz

-- Food Portions and Doggy Bags
What you've seen in "Super-Size Me" is not a lie, just a little exaggerated. Food portions are bigger, and so are drinks. But don't worry, if you can't finish them, don't be embarrassed to ask them to wrap the remaining food for you. In contrast to Germany where a lot of people have problems with it, it is perfectly acceptable to ask for that in the states.

-- Healthy Food More Expensive
Germans love to complain. That pisses me off.
But humor aside, one of the great assets that we have in Germany is the incredibly affordable healthy food. Go ahead and try finding anything half-way comparable to ALDI et al. for the same price in the US. You will soon give up. Healthy food comes at an unhealthy price there, let me tell you. That contributes to their very odd fast-food culture, and frankly, some restaurants offer food at a price that's supposed to make you believe "you will never eat at home any more".

-- (American) Pizza
What Germans know as "American" pizza really isn't American at all. Pizza with broccoli and corn on it? You're hardly ever going to see that in the US. Also, when you use the term "American pizza" and by that actually mean a pizza with a thick crust, you're much better off calling it a Chicago style pizza because that's what it is for Americans. Thin-crust pizzas are called "New York style pizzas".

-- Burger Orders
Ooh, here's another huge issue for Germans who try to interact with waiters and clerks as little as possible. To make sure we're talking about the same thing, one preamble first. A burger in the US is not what Germans consider a burger. In Germany, a "burger" is the whole sandwich whereas in the US, the burger is rather just the paddy. So if you mean the whole sandwich, say so.

So on to the real difference in burger orders. When you order a burger in the US, chances are that you'll be asked what you like on it, pretty much like they do at German Subway stores as well. Here's the difference: They will expect you to say specifically what you want on it. Since Germans are not used to that, they are likely to say something like, "Well, errm, just put everything on it that's usually on it."

So have a look at what they have. America's the custom-made country so go and claim your burger the way you want it. They will be happy to serve it to you that way, and you'll cause fewer wrinkly foreheads.

Photo courtesy of sporkist

-- Clothes Sizes
This one is kinda clear, isn't it? People are bigger in the states (the calories have to go somewhere), and so the clothes are bigger, too. But in order not to make everybody see how fat they've become, a lot of brands have come to declare clothes one size smaller than their European pendants. Just take that into consideration.

-- Clothes Shopping
Speaking of clothes, here's one for you. If you like jeans, buy them in the states because they are a lot cheaper there. Americans would never consider buying jeans for $200 a pair or more like some people do here. It's not unusual to get good pairs of jeans there for $35 to $50, regular price.

-- Pronounciation of Foreign Words
Germany's great, right? We have Mercedes, BMW, Bayer, Jägermeister, Adidas and tons of other great brands that the Americans love. Ubercool! However, don't make the mistake of trying to pronounce any German brand name the way you're used to in German. When you try that Americans will look at you like you came from Mars and had a pink miniature elephant with a dozen legs on your forehead. Try Englishizing every brand, and you'll be just about understood. So for instance, say "Mörrssejdiess" instead of "Mercedes", "Bi ämm dabblju" instead of "Bee Ämm Wee", and "Adidas" is pronounced on the second syllable in the US, not the first. Finally, "Bayer" is pronounced "Bähr" in the states.

-- Ice In Your Drink
Don't like ice in your drink? Order without because otherwise, they'll put ice in all drinks apart from coffee.

-- Cars: Mileage
Are you a car fanatic? Excited or anxious about gas prices or how far cars can go with a tank of gas? Then know this: mileage is not, like in Germany, calculated in how many liters you need for 100 kilometers but in how many miles you can drive with one gallon. Yeah, here's a real brain teaser. To give you a little hint, 15 miles per gallon (or less) is a shitty mileage, 25 is okay and everything more than 35 is pretty good.

Photo courtesy of b_a_r_t

-- Smart Cars
Another comment on cars. Americans are used to very big cars. They buy SUVs (sports utility vehicles) like the BMW X5 even when they have no use for it. Bigger is better, still. Right now, sales are rightfully declining but they're a lot behind European gas saving standards. Anyway, when Americans see a Smart car on the streets nowadays, chances are that they will actually stop and gawk at it, in serious disbelief that something like this can actually be car. I have been told of situations in which cars stopped so that the drivers could get out and look at a Smart.

-- Fahrenheit Instead of Celsius
This one's obvious but it needs to be listed. Americans use the Fahrenheit temperature scale, just the way they use miles instead of kilometers, feet instead of meters and so on. Get used to it.

If you want to calculate °F into °C, here's the formula:

T_C = (T_F - 32) · 5/9

The other way around, this is what you do:

T_F = T_C · 1,8 + 32

To give you a hint,

0°C are 32°F
10°C are 50°F,
20°C are 68°F,
30°C are 86°F,
40°C are 104°F.

-- Sociability (The "How are you" Principle")
Forget your stupid-ass German way of treating people when you go to the states. Be nice and say hello if nothing else. Say hello or even "hi, how are you doing" when you go into any store, restaurant or shop. Just do it. Americans also approach each other for no reason on the street. E.g. they will tell you that they like your shorts or shoes, that you as a runner put them (walkers) to shame and so on. It's just what they do, and it's nice that they do. Don't try avoiding them like oncoming traffic at night on a country road, like most Germans do.

And don't worry, nobody is going to actually make you talk to them if you don't want to, and nobody's going to murder you because you're polite and friendly. They're just being nice; show them a little courtesy. And to make things easier, "How are you" is often even an answer to the same question. So if you want to have a conversation, you have the chance. If you don't, then, well, just don't. But say hi and be nice.

-- Washer Settings
This is going to concern you only if you actually wash your clothes but just know that most washing machines in the US do not feature temperature settings. Americans like to choose only among "hot", "warm" and "cold".

Photo courtesy of chelzerman

-- Water Faucets
This can puzzle you, let me tell you. A lot of water faucets in showers and such in the US only have one handle, and you can only turn it in one direction, in a circle, for instance. So you might be going crazy looking for a way to regulate the temperature. The thing is, Americans are not yet used to water-saving so how their faucets work is this: You turn the water up all the way, and when you turn the handle further you will regulate the temperature with it.

-- Toilet Paper
Say hello to single-ply paper. Three or even four layers of paper? Pfff, forget it. Toilet paper in the states is most of the time of extremely poor quality. Just take more.

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Last Note on Immigration Into the US
Some last basic rules about flying to the US.

If you can, try to avoid connection flights in the US. Change planes in Paris, Amsterdam or London if you must but if possible, avoid changing a plane in the US because immigration can at times take very long, and chances are not so bad that you will miss your connection flight and have to spend a night at the airport in Atlanta, Chicago, New York or anywhere else. At your own expense. However, if that actually happens to you, be informed that your best shot is being extremely nice to the guys at the airline counter. They can give you good rates or even, at times, a room for free. But it's entirely up to them. If you're nice and get their sympathy, your chances are much better that you get the good deal at the end.

If, however, you must disobey my rules and fly through a hub, allow for enough time in between. I try to have three hours between landing and take-off, two are the very least.

Also, when at immigration, be friendly and polite to the officers questioning you. You will sometimes be asked very stupid questions, and by the time you get there, you might be worn out, tired and, frankly, pissed off. Some will also be startled by them taking their fingerprints and photograph. But in any case, be nice and friendly, even after a long flight and even if the questions are really really really stupid. It's for your own good. See it this way, the people questioning you are most of them very poorly educated and paid, and with a respectable inferiority complex, people tend to abuse their power in any way possible. If you give them a reason to.

Weirdly enough, as soon as you actually pass immigrations, flying is done in a snap, and you hardly have any security at all.

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So dude, have fun in Palms Springs! If you still have any questions, let me know!

New This Week, Parts 10 and 11

Sorry for the delay, again. I spent last weekend in Amsterdam, came back pretty late on Sunday, and didn't feel like sitting down any more to write an article here. And believe me, since the beginning of this week I have hardly been able to breathe properly, being faced with all the things that life is throwing at me this week.

But let's start with last week's news.

1. Party: BLUF Rough Party, Church Club, Amsterdam
Photo courtesy of the Church Club website.
BLUF is an acronym for "Breeches, Leather and Uniforms", and when I went to Amsterdam to visit a good friend of mine, he and I went to their first party taking place at the Church Club in Amsterdam. Although it wasn't as bad as it certainly could've been, it was also not quite exciting or great either. We left after a couple of hours for the Argos bar, like usual.



2. Café: Downtown, Amsterdam
We also went for coffee at the Downtown, a nice-and-easy gay bar/café in Amsterdam.

3. Clothing: Pink Hat
Yes, I actually got myself a pink hat with a plaid pattern at a second-hand store in Amsterdam. It cost only seven euros, and it's great for a statement. And it looks cool. :)

---

This week has been very hectic in comparison.

1. Office: Boss Takes a "Time-Out", Wife Mentally Ill
Photo courtesy of Idol
The atmosphere at the office had been bad since one of my two bosses brought his wife in to assist the company. That was in October if I recall correctly. On Monday morning I get into the office and see that all his stuff is gone. He's in his office so I ask him what's going on. "I'm taking a time-out", he says, and leaves without telling anyone whether or when he's coming back. Probably the e-mail that his crazy-ass wife sent to some colleagues on the Sunday prior to that was supposed to answer our questions. The e-mail reads like this (names are replaced).

--------------------------------------------
Subject: The Pilot Is Leaving The Ship

Sadly, there are too many reasons for this:

Andy cannot even provide the financial security, and wants to declare bankruptcy. He was not willing to create the business plan in time that Daniel had suggested already in September 2008 and November 2008 in order to get credit from the banks during hard times (and for the realization of new products, one needs a lot of stamina).

Andy is blocking Daniel's business ideas so that through this, one or the other sale got lost, and unquietness made its way into the office. Not even the cleaning woman could be replaced because Andy has a thing with her. All that is sick if one of his beloved ones calls me in January, crying, and explains to me that she was pregnant from Andy, and that she was supposed to abort.

Andy is working embarrassingly erroneously. Daniel could not compensate all of it, and brought me into the office for his relief. We had to watch out all the time that our company image was not ridiculed. As another example, I recall the article on Limiteds in which he, among other things, used a wrong quote like, "Louis 24 said, 'I am the first servant of the state.' (Correct is, Louis 24 never existed. It was Louis 14. And had Louis 14 seen himself as servant of the state, the French Revolution of 1789 had never happened. Correct is Friedrich the Great.) We could prevent that. However, it is only one example of many (Please don't wear children's sweaters as a CEO). No wonder that we reacted annoyed, assuming that the parking space ticket list was for the financial authorities. We remember the legal guide, or shouldn't it rather be called sorrow guide. In the meantime it has been confirmed to us from competent sides several times that the one created by Ruby and Daniel W. is the better one without any limitation.

The last straw was Andy on 26 February 2009 when he declared to us that he as the money-giver expected of us that everything had to go according to his will. Even erroneous press information didn't matter in that regard. The main thing was that the atmosphere at the office was good. Otherwise he'd shut the company down. We could not make him understand that success can also allow for good atmosphere at the office. No, for him, good atmosphere meant that he could be horny at the office all the time and live upon it. I tried several times to point out to him the difference between smirk jokes with sexual background (I know a lot of them myself) and those with arrogant sexual background. Also the remark that Daniel acquired high-class clients and that we'd have to position ourselves accordingly high (and not make a sequel to Sex and the City), vanished in Andy's probably hollow head. To sum it up, the difference in class between Daniel and Andy cannot be overcome. Too bad!

We, Daniel and I, are now planning a time-out. I will already on Monday not come into the office any more. I would like to thank you, Chris, for your high-quality work and your warm-hearted being (Daniel will help you find another job). It'd be nice if we could see each other again some time. Zach, we will see each other at the next Creamcheese party, and I thank you for your friendliness and support. Ruby, you are a promising talent with really good carrier prospectives (Call us some time, will you?).

With love

Yours
Jenny
--------------------------------------------

I won't comment any part of this mail, other than that the claims she made about Andy having things with the cleaning woman and demanding his ex-girlfriend to abort are not true. I much rather suggest you check out the Wikipedia article on Borderline personality disorder.

Anyway, Daniel left the office on Monday, and as a consequence, I started calling our clients and leads to check on them.

2. Job Interview in Frankfurt
Photo courtesy of apenny
As a consequence of the mess that Daniel and his mentally ill wife had left, I actually got a job interview in Frankfurt the next day. From what I can tell, it went very well, and the company seems to be very cool, innovative and communicative. And growing and making good profit in this time of crisis, not to leave out this important detail.

3. Demoscene: Speech material in French
Photo courtesy of flrnt
My French Demoscene friends whom I help organize Numerica ArtParty#2 in France this weekend, decided to have me say my material in French instead of English, and since my French is not particularly good, it's taking me quite an effort to learn the text by heart.


4. Software: Dropbox
Finally I have been shown a piece of software that allows me to store certain data online so that I have access to it! Dropbox automatically stores and syncs data so that, e.g., you don't end up with three Keepass databases any more, one on your private desktop PC, one on your work PC and one on your private laptop. Also, pretty much the same way Microsoft Groove enables you to collaborate with several people online at one virtual workspace, Dropbox lets you have a shared directory structure with others, allowing all y'all to work on documents simultaeously. This is especially neat if you have to travel a lot, and want to spare yourself the hassle of trying to update documents and directories every time.

Have a good week!

New This Week, Part 9

1. Achievement: Followed All Step I Moves
Photo courtesy of ePi.Longo

Yes, it's true. After only a few weeks, I have been able to follow all moves in our gym's Step I class! I can't believe how fun it is when you can concentrate on doing the whole cycles instead of trying to manage single moves! Whoopee, here I go!

2. Gadget: HTC Touch HD
Photo courtesy of Daniel Panev

This is definitely the biggest thing this week. I extended my cellphone contract with O2 and got myself the competitor to the iPhone. And in spite of all the hatred I ran into while I did some research on Windows Mobile, it's been running pretty fluently, and I love the functionality of the phone. Finally there is a convenient way to sync contacts.

I preferred not to buy an iPhone not only because you don't get iPhones with O2 but because I can hardly take the unfounded ramble about how cool it is any more. I generally dislike Apple for the unnecessary cult that's created and nurtured around its second-class hardware that primarily looks good instead of working well, and the oh-so great proclaimed intuitivity that I have never seen while using MacOS, and that you will find comparably well done in current Microsoft OS like Vista.

Yeah, I know, Vista sucks, Vista sucks. Heard it all before but frankly, no, it doesn't. Microsoft Vista is, apart from some stupid details that you will find in every operating system ever on the market, the most convenient system there is. As long as you have a half-way current hardware setup, I give you that. But then again, neither is current PC hardware incredibly expensive nowadays, nor can hardware be a limiting factor with almost any other OS as well.

3. Sex: Roleplay
Photo courtesy of *purpleye*

Without going into too much detail, let me say that for the first time, I have actually performed a pretty convincing and hot roleplay for sexual purposes, involving a client relationship like the ones my job comes along with. It can be awkward at first but it turned out not only convincing but very cool, actually.




4. Restaurant: Radisson SAS Restaurant

Not a biggy this time again but I had brunch at the restaurant of the Radisson SAS near my home with a friend of mine. I saw that if you're not a guest there, you pay €24 for that there! I can hardly believe but have been told that actually outsiders come there to have brunch. It's a nice place and all -- don't get me wrong -- but I seriously doubt that I'd go there for brunch if I specifically wanted to go to a nice place, especially with that price.